RAEVILLE

Monday, November 28, 2005

I feel so lifeless, and cold, and alone and abandoned. I know I'm the one responsible for these feelings and emotions. Emotions. I hate that word.

I couldn't sleep last night. It took me hours to shut my eyes without force. It was such an uncomfortable night. I figured it was too cold, so I placed a warm blanket underneath my doona and jumped in. I still couldn't fall asleep. I thought, maybe if I try to stay awake, I'll fall asleep. It didn't work. So I just tossed and turned around in my bed till I eventually fell asleep.

We had a Leadership Workshop today, for all the Year 10s in the school. It was more fun than I had imagined before. We played games and little activities that peer support leaders would do for the Year 7s next year in Term 1. For reasons I can't quite explain, I felt like being a peer support leader or a leader of some sort. I thought, here's a chance! I doubted myself. I told myself that I wouldn't get it. I tell that to myself so I don't feel bad if I don't get the position.

Sydney weather's been extremely strange lately! This morning, it had been pouring cats and dogs - this afternoon, it probably hit the high 20s (degrees in Celsius)! I'm hating this dramatic change in temperature. It's not normal. It's supposed to be summer in Sydney, really soon, and this is the kind of weather we have. Is it not supposed to be burnburnburn in the sunsunsun? Australia is so weird.

I've lost all inspirations. I just want to fall asleep and never wake up again. Well, not for a while. Don't you ever get that feeling? You just want to run away from all your problems and conflicting emotions. I really want to, and I've been considering it like a pathetic Nigel since a long while back.

Excuse me.
I'm going to try and wash away my blues.

Cheers.
PS. Oh maybe that's it. It's just a Monday, and we all know we should be singing the Monday Blues.

& turned on the lights; 17:37

about me.

raelene. rae. roro.
eighteen years.
malaysian.
completed her final year of school at st caths, sydney.
is a musician, photographer and aspiring designer.
loves travelling, art, music, great food, clear blue skies, writing and ice-cream.
enjoys drowning in music, strumming random chords on the guitar, playing tennis,
finger-bashing it out on a game console and a bowl of curry laksa.
despises bad traffic, girls with long and fair faces with large contact-lensed eyes, bad food, mascara goop, hard pillows and hard beds.

raeville.

RAEVILLE came about some time in the year of 2001. or 2002. it's been so long that i've forgotten already.
it all started here (i doubt the link works anymore though), in a dodgy little blog page. then it moved to here. a year later, and we moved to better things, namely blogspot.

ps. raeville is best viewed on mozilla firefox. just because it's better :)

webcam.

plugs.

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